In continuation of my mixed yokes series, which started with my own story, here are some more of the replies I received when I asked for stories on reddit’s TrueAtheism sub.
My wife is Russian Orthodox. I’m an atheist. We have a three year old. We’ve been married for four years, but have known each other for a long time. She knew I was an atheist when she started dating me. She isn’t super devout. She doesn’t go to church, but that is mostly because there are no Russian Orthodox churches in the area. She always wears a cross and there is miscellaneous religious apparel throughout our house.
We have an amazing relationship. She’s a wonderful and caring woman. We almost never discuss religion. When we do, I’m not dismissive of her beliefs. She also has never once told me that I’m going to hell. She wishes that I would share her beliefs, but she has never even once pushed it. We’ve talked about how our child will be free to form her own opinion about religion.
psychosox
You want a happy story well I have one, my wife is a Christian and I love her with all my heart. When we started dating i was still a Christian but eventually I decided it was all bullshit and she was ok with it sort of, although it did cause some tension at times. One of the biggest struggles was about a year and a half before we got married my wife felt that it was very important we stop having sex until we get married…. Yeah ouch we had been together for like 7 years at that point but ok it was very difficult but I truly can say worth it… You learn a lot about a woman when you know you cant bang lol… Eventually i proposed and on May 11th 2013 we were married. The wedding was fairly inexpensive for us yet turned out very very nice just what my wife wanted when initially she was ready to get married without a wedding… And in December 2013 we conceived our first son due to be born 9/28/14 and I couldnt be happier!
A166524
I’m an atheist. Married a southern Baptist girl. Kept my beliefs quiet for a long time. Finally told her a few years ago, almost divorced. She stuck with me, and decided she was going to change my mind, by challenging what I thought. It backfired. She is an atheist now.
Spamtater
I’m an agnostic atheist and I’m currently in a year and almost a half relationship with a pretty heavy (in regards to religion not weight) Christian girl.
We’ve had some arguments about our views. A majority of the conflicts in the relationship don’t stem from the religion, though. Honestly, things could be great, but then we hear something on TV, or are randomly talking and something comes up, and the next thing you know it turns into a religious discussion. In most aspects of our relationship, though, it pretty much seems secular – which scares me. Because there’s no Jesus talk, worship, anything like that, and then when we talk about religion, it’s an entire 180 – outrageous claims, I talk to god, I feel his presence, blah blah. I feel like there’s a part of her I don’t know, and a part of her that would be entirely different if she was in “better company.”
She used to be a pretty heavy bible literalist. It took a few discussions on how the earth isn’t 5,000 years old, man didn’t walk with dinosaur, evolution is a fact not theory, etc. They weren’t well-received from me, though, unfortunately… It wasn’t until we watched Cosmos together. It was mostly the appeal of beauty + an authority figure telling her what is factual and what isn’t. At the end of the day, cool I guess, but it’s like, Cosmos didn’t do the science any justice… it was great, but it was all CGI and jargon. I had sources. I made factual claims I was immediately ready to back up. Black science man goes on tv, reads a script, boom: her whole life of believing in dinosaurs walking with man and a 5,000 year old evolution-less earth is revised because he said so. Whatever.
So it does bother me, I guess. I don’t have many friends in the first place, and the few I do aren’t very philosophical. I like existentialism, absurdity, nihilism, moral systems, all that stuff. I can’t discuss things with her because the modes of thought are entirely incompatible, and so one potential outlet for forming a very strong human bond never had a chance in the first place, and so in that department our relationship is lackluckster. There’s a lack of some “depth” – something that is a dealbreaker when it comes to the long-haul.
Her parents are also irritating. Perspective-less children. I love ’em and all and they’re nice to me but they think I’m sworn to hell and a bad influence or some shit. They talk about “unequally yoked” bullshit or something it’s so fucking archaic and barbaric. Like because I’m an atheist and she’s a christian, I’m invading Christian property, and so it’s immoral to be with her. The claim fucking disgusts me. I was serving one time and their family came in – they know full well I’m an atheist – and they leave one of those cheesy ass Jesus business cards or whatever with a bible quote. No respect at all for my views, and they’re nice to me face-to-face and joke around with me, but (more specifically her mom) will tell her that she doesn’t like the idea of us being together.
BUTWHYNOTZOIDBERG
I’ve been married to my wife for five years as of last week and have been together for 7 years. She’s 29, Christian, though non-practicing. I’m 25, an atheistic Satanist (LaVeyan/Modern, whatever you’d like to call it). We have a 5 year old boy and 7 year old girl (my stepdaughter). I do Mechanical Coordination, She is a Software Engineer. We very rarely speak of our religions, but we do enjoy making fun of nutcase religious fanatics. She was with me while I worked through school, she watched the kids while getting her degree, and we both graduated last year.
The only problems that stem from our religion are usually, and admittedly my fault. I like to joke about people being crazy and/or stupid for believing in supernatural space ghosts, superstition, and the like, some things her close family has a special spot for. Otherwise we get along very well.
domaa
I’m engaged to a Catholic woman. She asked some questions and was sortve confused about it at first, but ultimately the response was basically that she doesn’t care. She doeant go to church or put any real thought into god or religion, but she was raised catholic and she has some traditions she does out of habit more than desire.
OskiTerra
I’m currently dating a Christian. It’s been an odd match-up from the beginning, since I’m atheist and liberal and he’s Christian and conservative. But what’s made it work so far is that we both understand that the other’s beliefs are personal and neither of us are intent on changing the other’s mind.
We can talk about politics, religion, science, Bible stories, his children (who, by their mother, are being raised atheist, but it’s a point of contention because she only recently “converted” and her youngest is now openly belligerent and disrespectful about it). There are never arguments, we never call the other foolish, we just discuss things and in the end, agree that we disagree. He honestly believes he will go to heaven; I honestly believe once I’m dead, there’s nothing after.
It’s not a point of contention because that’s not why we love each other. It’s also not a point of contention because we are both fairly patient types, and don’t take any remote pleasure in tearing the other person down for any reason.
As far as our own potential child? I’m not entirely sure how that will go, but so far we both are comfortable with just answering any of his or her questions honestly and not trying to convince the child, and allow him or her to make that decision of belief or disbelief on their own.
redpandabear
I started dating a Roman Catholic when I went to college. He attended the evening student masses and I would attend with him, even though I was doubting/atheistic at the time. He knew this and we were open about it.
We dated for four years, then married for seven. During that time, we respected the traditional boundaries of a Christian relationship; waiting until marriage, etc. We attended Catholic engagement classes, met with a priest, were married in a Catholic church. I had agreed to raise any children in the Catholic faith (I was raised RC so even with my current beliefs, I was comfortable with that, for my husband’s sake.)
Personally, I was hoping I’d eventually find my way back to the church. Something something submissive wife being led by her husband back to God, you know?
Instead what ended up happening is he quit attending church early in our marriage. I am honestly not sure why; it’s not something where I was debating him and encouraging him not to go. He told me that I gave him the strength to decide he was an atheist, but that was horrible for me to hear because as I said it wasn’t something I had tried to do, and so I think just my very existence as an atheist made him doubt.
Maybe he was already doubting or looking to escape. I don’t know.
We just divorced after seven years of marriage; he no longer attends church and is an atheist, and I am still an atheist/agnostic and still seeking God.
It’s sort of funny because morally and relationship-wise, I value Christian ideas. I value the sense of Christian dating. But I don’t think I’ll find another Christian man willing to be patient with my faith struggles or with my divorcee status. And I’m not going to find many atheists willing to wait until marriage and entertain my relationship with faith. So it’s a pretty sure thing I’m going to end up alone. Scary.
I have no idea what any of this means. Sigh. Just my two cents.
quillcurious
My girlfriend of 18 months is a believer. She believes in god, but not in the traditional ‘old man on a cloud’ sense; more spiritual than specific. She’ll even go to church occasionally, albeit different ones – like a sociological experience. She’s very aware of my atheism and yet we love each other because we share the same values as well as interests. She’s the jelly to my peanut butter.
Yeeaaaarrrgh
The Complete History of the Universe: A Personal Journey 