In continuation of my mixed yokes series, which started with my own story, here are some more of the replies I received when I asked for stories on reddit’s TrueAtheism sub.
Catholics don’t count. Catholic girls have what they usually call “their own ideas about being Catholic,” which involves sex and no hell. I’ve dated many catholic girls, and all Christian by some stretch.
The tough one was the smoking hot Muslim that I dated while in college. She was waning in her faith an wanted to be independent of her family and do her own thing. Mentioned it to her mom. The next day, her dad threatened to have her forcibly taken to Palestine to live with her cousins. Message received.
It was something we toyed with for a couple years while I learned Arabic in college, but not a good long-term plan. She married a guy this weekend who converted because he felt women were no longer traditional enough outside of Islam, and she only married him because he could afford a huge wedding and paid for her whole family to fly to an island. Dodged that bullet.
HumanBlastRadius
I’ll keep it short, I dated a fantastic Christian girl for nearly two years. She was the type of Christian that I’d say most atheists wish more Christians were like. Understanding, caring, loving. She ministered by behavior, not by saying I was wrong or that I was evil or misguided. She simply loved because she felt that was her duty as a Christian. Unfortunately, it came to an end, although we’re still good friends, because she developed some personal issues which I, in my position as an atheist, couldn’t help her with.
MUMPERS
I dated a small town Catholic girl seriously for about 3 years. Easily the best relationship I’ve ever had. We were perfect for eachother. We had the same sense of humor, had similar morals, and she was smart and pretty.
The only bad part about our relationship was religion related things. There was an argument once after she said “then there’s those people that think we came from apes” (I couldn’t let that one go).
A few other arguments about me not going to church and not contributing during the prayers at her family’s get togethers.
Eventually around last Christmas she started talking to me about converting. I told her there was no way that I could honestly believe in a god.
This started a week long talk that ended in us breaking up. I was LIVID the night that we finally decided to break up.
She said things like I seem like a good person but how can that be true if I’m not a believer. And how if we got married and had kids I would “corrupt them”. She couldn’t understand how this was insulting and actually hurting me pretty badly.
I think she was getting pressure from her family to talk to me about this stuff.
It really sucks and I really miss her now. I went through another angry atheist phase after we broke up because of some of the things she said.
vocalghost
My SO is a Tantric Buddhist. She is an amazing person and I can only admire her good nature. At first, I was a bit unscrupulous with my ridicule of religion and beliefs like astrology, but once I committed to a more caring disposition and once she accepted my atheism, we don’t clash about it anymore. My advice, if you really love someone, you can put aside your contentions and maybe they’ll put aside theirs, in turn creating more harmony. This is of course barring abusive tactics or manipulations, but at the core of any relationship is compromise.
bgalek
I’m in a relationship right now. She’s not Christian because she doesn’t believe in Jesus, but she’s not really anything else either. I’d say her beliefs are more like a really relaxed Jew, without any of the traditional jewish practices. Based in the old testament. We met almost a year ago in law school, immediately hit it off and started dating. Religion hasn’t gotten in the way too much because I’ve only dated christians before (I live in the south) and her older brother is an atheist and her dad is borderline. So she understands atheism more than most and it really doesn’t come up. The only two religious things she does often is close her eyes for a few seconds before she eats a meal to pray (she smiles and does a little wiggle dance for me now which makes me smile) and removing a bible she has in the room before sex (she sometimes forgets).
The more annoying things that I think her religion has caused is her belief in ghosts and demons. She thinks demon possession is possible. She’s also anti-vaccines and GMO’s which is a greater issue than her religion. We get along great and it’s likely we’ll end up married after law school. Kids won’t be an issue since neither of us want any, but if we were having kids, I could definitely see her religion playing a bigger role since neither of us would want them to be raised the other way I think. We haven’t discussed this in great detail since it’s not an issue.
My advice would be to discuss religion and every other topic in which there is a difference in stances in great detail. Learn to debate, not argue. Don’t look down on each other or push your beliefs. Discuss things to understand each others position. I was raised by atheist parents so it’s sometimes harder for me to understand religious beliefs in general. Religion is just one of the many factors that can affect a relationship. The fact that my gf is black has been a bigger issue unfortunately.
Pianotico
I’m an agnostic atheist currently engaged to a Malaysian Chinese girl. She is taoist/Buddhist (though it’s fairly hard to define what it actually entails). She is alright, but her parents are pretty hardcore/devout in their beliefs. Her parents have their own temple at her father’s workshop.
We discuss religion occasionally, but it often comes down to her not knowing how her beliefs actually work. She is the typical I-believe-because-my-parents-do believer. This frustrates me from time to time because she will believe everything they say.
Being Chinese, ancient medicine plays a big role in treating maladies. Some of her family’s beliefs are simply archaic. Her mother suffers from diabetes, but relies on homebrewed herbal drink, instead of, you know, actual medicine.
I try debating religion and old traditions, and why I am atheist. But she thinks I am too skeptical. She was even insulted when I factchecked a story she told me (about plastic bottles left too long in the sun).
We have an otherwise good relationship and I look forward to marrying her. I hope that over time she will rely less on what her parents say and rely more on independent studies and sources. She has already shown some interest, so I am hopeful for the future.
BlinkingSpirit
I started dating my current SO (coming up to 4 years), and I was a Christian at the time while he was an ardent atheist. We’re both very happy to debate and talk things through, and that means that we’ve both changed our views through our relationship.
Because we spent a lot of time talking about religion and our beliefs, and because I have always been willing to change my mind for the right evidence, I ended up leaving my faith. I didn’t change my faith for him, but he was one of a number of catalysts.
My mum is a Christian while my Dad is an atheist (I think? He doesn’t like to label it but he’s certainly a non-believer), and that works well for them because neither of them wants or needs to talk about their beliefs. My Dad was happy for us to be taken to church as long as he didn’t have to go. It worked out very well for them.
Bexamous92
I’m an Anglican Christian, married to an Atheist, church wedding. We’ve been married for nearly 14 months now, We moved to one of the most Catholic countries in the world Malta, Religious festivals happen constantly hear, but no actually real time conflicts. We have friends here who are baptists who myself and sometimes both of us go to church with, we’ve even been to dinner with Pastors and she has been on her own with friends to dinner with pastor of another friends Church. I think we might have got into arguments a couple of times for comments she has made a couple of times which she didn’t understand to be quite so offensive, and a few times I’ve suggested she doesn’t use a particular type of language around baptists but nothing serious. I think the most serious arguments have been about hypothetical situations, how possible children we have would be raised what they would be taught to believe, would they be baptised etc however considering where we live not to baptise a kid would be more out of the ordinary then if we still lived in the UK. I do recall the conversation about getting married in a church took several months until an old woman in Gozo cathedral told us both to get married in a church and after that she agreed to do it, but yeah generally no massive problems. I imagine if I was evangelical it would be different, however being a Christian in the UK you tend to keep you head down a lot of the time to avoid militant atheist, or at least in the circles I moved in.
metric1983
I’m an atheist married to a Christian. We’ve been married almost 10 years. But, I was also a Christian for the first half of that. In fact, I was much more fundamentalist than she has ever been.
The only “conflicts” have been mature discussions. Her biggest concern seems to be that if I could change my mind about religion, something previously so important to me, could I also change my mind about her.
But, we continue to love each other. It helps that she has no desire to go to church or participate in any traditional Christian rituals.
AtlantaAtheist
My fiancé is Catholic; I’m an atheist. We’ve been together for 5 years now and are getting married in December.
Religion first came up pretty early in our relationship, we were still friends/casually dating. She did not take the whole non-believer thing well at first; although, it was more out of shock them actual disapproval. After discussing it, she came around.
At this point, it isn’t an issue at all. We joke about it. In fact, I think I’ve had a bit of an effect on her. She still believes in God but doesn’t really go to church or use any of the rules of religion to make any decisions. Though I doubt she’d put it this way: she’s more of a non-denominational theist than Christian at this point.
So yeah, only other thing of note: her family was very against me at first. Partially because of my atheism and also because my father’s family is Arab and Muslim. Somehow, I inherited the stereotypes of both (which are quite paradoxic). By now, they seem to like me and I haven’t heard anything negative in a couple years.
blackarmchair
The Complete History of the Universe: A Personal Journey 